Waiting for the bloodletting to come again

She sat upright in bed and stared off into the distance… past the television that sat black in the corner. She wondered how much longer she would have to wait… how many more times she would have to sit up at night… alone. She remembers when she could sleep. She could just put her head down and sleep. It happened slowly at first… as she was brushing her teeth she could feel it slowly overcome her as she got further away from the reflection… further away from the motion. The first night she stood mindlessly brushing her teeth for over two hours. She brushed violently through the bleeding gums and made no notice of the red toothpaste that dripped off her chin. When she came around she started to cry. The next time it happened she was shaving her legs. She sat in the tub of warm water::::she sat in the tub of cold(red) water. Three hours gone. Legs cut, bleeding. She had no recollection of what happened… no sense of time passing other than the change in the color of the sky just visible through the window. Curiously she felt a sense of calm, satisfaction, contentment… happiness. She actually felt happy sitting there in a cold(red) bath… her depression bleeding into the tub. NOW:::she sits alone in bed… waiting for it to come again… waiting for a third and perhaps final drop into the semiconscious.